letting you all know.

Well this post has been a long time coming, I finally got diagnosed with depression, it's been something I've been battling for the past 3 years at least, one of my friends posted this status on facebook and I pretty much love the entire message of it: "

Depression and anxiety disorders are not a sign of weakness. They are signs that you've been trying to be strong for too long. Put this on your wall if you or someone you know suffers or has suffered. Most people will not due to the stigma attached but this is Mental Health Week and 1 in 3 of us will suffer at some point in life"

I would say that I've been strong for too long. I don't let people in and I guess in the long run that has the potential to hurt me. I've never let people in easily. There are 3 people that I would say are my close friends but I really haven't let them all in. They know more about me than most other people and I'm really happy that those are the three people closest to me. They can usually manage to raise my spirits when I'm down.

I've really struggled with myself, letting myself be who I am, and there will forever be a part of me that's afraid to completely be myself, but there is also a part of me that doesn't care what others think. It's a constant struggle for me. I guess a few years ago I started to have self-esteem issues, I'm not very confident with myself and my abilities. I feel like I've always "graded" myself harshly or compare myself to others. In high school the only subject I was good at was History, and I really started to love it, but I feel like that's how I see myself only good at two things(the other being photography.) That's how little I believed in myself.

I'm working on myself, and this break though it's been a bit boring, has been good for me, I've really been trying to work on my confidence issues. Senior year I was happy for the most part, but I still struggled daily with confidence, self esteem, and believing that something good would ever happen to me. Being on Zoloft has helped me a lot, I feel so much better on it, and I feel, for the first time in a very long time, happy.


Sorry this is such a rambly post. Also, sorry that my first post in over a month is kind of a downer, but I really just wanted to remember my journey through all of this.