Words Hurt

Well I really just want to write this post so that I remember how much one person can affect another.

Tonight I went to a drumline show and it was a really good night, then on the way home I was riding the bus and one of my friends was told that the only reason he made the summer brass snare line is because he had people pulling for him (as in they pulled strings for him) and he pretty much broke down. I have never seen him so so livid in my entire life. He would not talk to me and he was swearing up a storm. Out of all the drumline kids there I was probably the best chance of him calming down and I was literally at a loss of what to do.

For the record this kid is one of the most talented high school drummers I've ever met. He pretty much doesn't have any cartilage left in his knees or wrists and yet he still drums on because that's what he loves to do. I've literally never seen anyone more dedicated or have more passion towards something in my life. He will not let anyone or anything get in the way of his dreams of marching. The worst part is, he can't even afford to have a knee replacement so his knees and wrists hurt pretty much everyday all day.

So please please please, think before you say something.

In which I post stupid pictures of myself and friends because I got a macbook

yes, we are very easily entertained! =] I love these guys!

The Ladies

Oh these ladies do wonders for me.

Morgen, oh this lady is perhaps one of my favorite people of all time. She is one of the most understanding most caring people I know. She's pretty much the only person that I actually talk to about my problems if I actually feel like talking and it's because I know she will listen. We've been friends for probably eight years, and I'm really glad that we've been able to stay friends for this long. It's amazing how high school can change people yet somehow while we both remained true to ourselves we were both able to remain friends.

This is us in eighth grade when we were first friends.

Us eight years later enjoying a concert together.

Oh my Suessical. I have no idea what I would do without her. We met through church and have now gone on a mission trip together and oh it was a beautiful thing. We just get along together and we have the same views on pretty much everything.

The Boys

I decided that I really want to do two posts on the most influential people in my life right now so there's two editions this is the boy editions and the girl will come later.

There's three "boys" in my life that have been really influential in my life within the past month for sure but also within the past few years of life.

First: This is Mike, we've been acquaintance's for a while but probably really became friends recently. He was also the leader of the TEC that I just made and he really is truly fun to be around. He likes to make fun of you, but it's in a fun jesting manner. And you can dish it back and it just becomes an all out "battle" of who can have the best non-hurtful digs. For example back when I first got my license like 4 years ago (holy crap, it doesn't seem right!) his words to me were "man I better stay off the roads now!" And that's pretty much how our relationship started. Which from what I've heard is a common trend with others too. This guy is just so easy to talk to, some adults seem kind of crabby and don't like "kids" (i'm in that awkward phase where I'm not really a kid but I don't really consider myself a full fledged adult either) but best of all he's going on the mission trip with me this summer and I can't wait for that! We've already made plans to sit by each other while white-water rafting and I said that if he tries to push me in he's come with me because I want him to experience the fun too!
Mainly though what's so great about him is how caring he is: After the TEC weekend we became full fledged BFF's (as opposed to facebook bff's which we previously were) and he sent me this text on Wednesday (preface: I've been sick for a week or two with a head/chest cold and he knew this because I had no voice at church last sunday) it said: " I'm worried about you. How are you feeling? You must of just dropped off your mother at generations the other night. Cuz i didn't see you after that. I hiope you are doing well. I need a hug from my new bff. " It just put a smile on my face to know that someone outside of my family really cares about me enough to send me a text and ask how I'm feeling.




Oh Greggy-pie! He's my co-worker and we mesh really well together. We're a lot alike. We have the same sense of humor, we're both shy, and we both dislike the same people at work for virtually the same reason just to list a few. I'm not sure how our friendship came to be what it is but I'm really glad I got to know Greg. My life at work would definitely not be the same. We text on a regular basis about life, or about music. I send him pictures of my speedometer while i'm going 0mph on the freeway because I'm stuck in rush hour traffic and won't be moving for the next half hour or so. He compares me to soccer moms because of my mini-van but then I defend myself saying that I don't wear mom jeans or talk on my cell phone while going well below the speed limit. But most of all he let's me rant to him about life and how sometimes I just don't like what life's dealing me at the moment. And he does the same, we both can listen to each other and relate really well. And this photo is him in a nutshell, he rarely can take a normal picture he always smiles funny or has extraneous things he's wearing.

Oh Troy Bauer: This is pretty much us in a nutshell. We're kind of wild and crazy together he'll make fun of me but then I bring up the fact that he still doesn't have his license and ceases pretty much all digs he makes at me. haha =] He's pretty much my best friend and I really can't imagine life/church without him. Through the past year we've grown pretty close. This past fall he was one of the main people that helped me this fall when I wasn't going to school. He kind of helped me realize that yes, it's okay to take a break from school even if it's not the "normal" thing to do. I talk to him about pretty much everything. I'm more than excited to be able to go on my fourth mission trip with him and more than that I'm just really excited that he's so open to serving God. It's not something you see in a highschool boy that often but he's proud of it. And even more important he's LEADING a mission trip to Red Lake this summer. What 18 year old boy do you know that willingly leads a mission trip?!

These three boys mean the world to me and I honestly couldn't imagine where I would be without the help of each of these people! They will each forever have a place in my heart. (as cheesy as that sounds)

CM TEC 527.

This weekend I encountered one of the most beautiful things alive. I went on a retreat, kind of by myself. But it was so needed, the only down side was the fact that it was quite possibly the most beautiful weekend ever and we were inside for most of it.

A week later and the weekend is still fresh in my mind. It was a really good getaway for me. It was nice to be by myself away from family and friends and to be free to be myself (not that I'm not in every day life) but also without the "hindrance" of family and friends it allowed me to make a lot more new friends. The weekend is based on the Paschal mystery, so the first day is "die day" which sounds worse than what it actually means. Basically die day is where everyone has a rock and each rock represents something in your life that is getting in the way of getting closer to God. The second day is "Rise day" and that's where basically you like re-commit to trying to live like God and letting go your faults. The last day is "go day" and basically we talk about how to go forth from the weekend and continue living out god's word but also to just know that God made you the way he wanted you to be. Which really was very reassuring to hear.
Sometimes I get down on myself and don't really believe that I'm living the way God wants me to or that sometimes I'm not the way God wants me to be. So in all this weekend was basically everything I needed at this point in my life.

What was even better about this weekend, was that they really encouraged you to put away the cell phones/ipods/anything electronic and just get involved in the weekend. For me that wasn't a big deal at all, I'm not attached to my phone like some people are, and that made my weekend so much better. We didn't have much free time but when we did, I got to know the people I was on the weekend with.

However, the down side of that is that I have to take meds pretty strictly at 10 and 11pm but I happen to go to church with the guy that was directing the weekend so I kind of made him my own personal clock so I could take meds at the right time. =]

For now, that's all I will disclose, but the weekend was truly amazing.

Old and New

I

Friends are a funny thing.
Back in high school I thought I was going to be best friends with some of those people but as it turns out it's the complete opposite. I'm now friends with people I never actually imagined I would be friends with outside of high school.

This may sound weird but it's both easy and hard for me to make friends. I'm extremely shy and don't really come out of my shell when I first meet new people. But at the same time, I like to talk to people I find interesting and through that I become friends with them. For example, at school I've made this new friend Robin and pretty much the reason why I originally wanted to be her friend was because she has short hair that she styles into a mohawk, and I thought that was really interesting. But there are also people in my classes who whenever they speak I just shake my head and wonder how they've gotten through life being so mean to everyone they meet.
Once I meet people and talk to them for more than a few minutes it's easy for me to come out of my shell and really get to know them. At school I've actually made more friends than I thought I would, I would say that I have 3 "good friends" and a few more on there way to being more than acquaintances. But 3 is kind of a big number in my world.

But, this post is focusing more on the "old" friends.
The last two years of high school were hard for me. My "original" group of friends kind of banded together and kind of "exiled" me from the group, forcing me to find other friends. So I did just that. I found friends both in and outside of band, and honestly the ones outside of band are the ones I still talk to! Senior year I was best friends with this girl Jayde, and thought it would continue once I went to college, ha! we don't even talk anymore. And then when she sees me around town she always says she misses me and honestly the thought that always goes through my mind is "you have a funny way of showing it." And then I generally stand there awkwardly until a new topic comes up, refusing to say I miss her to, because I don't.
But what really kills me is Rachael, I was literally best friends with her for probably like 9 years and then when I moved to college talking decreased but we still kept in touch but now that she's in college well, boy oh boy, she is just too good for me so now we also don't talk. It's hard after that many years of friendship.

BUT, these two guys below, have been "there" through the last 3 years. We text/talk to each other every so often but that's the thing, we don't need to talk every day to have a good friendship. They're both still in high school, but neither of them act like they are for the most part. So last weekend I had the chance to go to their drumline show over in Buffalo and I was pretty much the happiest girl alive when I was able to see them for an entire afternoon!

Jakey-pie!

Zachy-poo!

This Guy

This Guy is 52 today! He's the best dad that I could ever ask for. And after this fall my faith in that statement has been renewed. I've never seen my dad cry, ever in my life but when I was going through a hard time this fall deciding what to do and before I got diagnosed with depression but new that I needed to be on meds for it I had this quiet conversation just the two of us. It was before my mom got home and we were talking basically about how I thought that neither him nor my mom were proud of me and that's when I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life. It was only a few tears but, that's also when I finally knew with every ounce of my being that they truly were proud of me and that it was okay that I was taking a semester off of school to figure life out. Also, that it was okay that I wasn't going to a four year school like both of my siblings.



This summer when I was working two jobs and 70 hours a week I rarely got to see anyone besides him. I worked at least 40 hours a week with him and it's something that I truly cherished. As much as I hated getting up before the crack of dawn at 4:00-4:30am (so not a morning person) I loved the rides to/from work and getting to eat lunch with him. I loved getting to know the people he would come home and talk about and even becoming "friends" with some of them. I have some really good/funny memories with some of those people. We also had a mutual love of poking fun at Bailey.(One of my co-workers)

What I really loved most though was on the rare night that I was home and mom would ask "what did you do today" I could answer for him(not that he needed me to.)

Most of all though, I loved the day we went to the bakery. Yes it sounds odd, but when my brother use to work with him they went to the bakery more than once and when I found out I was officially working with dad this summer that's all I wanted to do, have that wonderful moment of anticipation, being able to pick out a donut from the bakery at 4 in the morning.

So, Happy Birthday Dad! I hope it was great and although you may never read this, I couldn't imagine my life without you, or imagine me with any other father.